All it takes is one touch, one glimpse, one moment with You, and all the cares of this world fade away. One breath fills my being with life, and the dull, grey colors around me turn to beauty in all its magnificence. I strive and fight only to find there’s nothing I can ever do to change situations or myself, and as I lift my eyes only to behold the tiniest glimpse of your face.. you do it. You calm my raging storms, and you still my storming ocean. You breathe life into my lungs, and you bring color and beauty to my life.
Now, why am I writing all of this? I could’ve written this many months or even years ago, but it would’ve most likely been nothing more than head knowledge. Today, however, it all became real. Throughout the week my emotions were all over the place as You exposed unbelief and insecurities in my heart. I felt more vulnerable than words can possibly express, and in the midst of the vulnerability I felt exposed and unlovable. I know that You love me at my best, but what about the moments I “fail”, when my weaknesses take over and the “pretty facade” is taken away? What about the wounds and the pain, and the areas I strive to hide? Can You still love me and desire me in the midst of all of this? In my head I knew You did – nothing can separate me from Your love, but if I’m being completely honest with myself I believed the opposite. I believed that no one, not even the Almighty God, could love me in my real self. I thought it would repulse You and push You away. And as all of these lies were spinning around in my head, like a never ending storm and carrying me away, You came. This morning I woke up with a cry of desperation in my heart.. and You heard me. You moved at the sound of my voice, and this overwhelming, raging storm stopped at the sound of Yours. You met me in the midst of my pain, and You spoke words filled with beauty and gentleness. You brought life to my dry bones as You silenced the lies, and that’s when I realized I’m safe. My brokenness doesn’t repulse You, my emotions don’t scare You, but they’re safe in Your hands. I am safe in Your hands. I am loved.
You are my strong Tower, my Refuge, my Help. You are Ever Present, You see me and You know me. You search my innermost being, and You love me. You delight in me, and You call me Your beloved. So that’s what I’ll do: I will BE LOVED.